Resolute

Happy new year! Again. Being Jewish and pagan, I've had two since fall, but who's counting?

I'm looking forward to 2007. I have a lot of opportunities and fun ahead in the kinky and pagan fronts. In just the first half of the year, I'll be at the pagan conference Pantheacon, a local witchcamp, a Feri intensive, and Shibaricon. I'll be teaching a (non-kink) pagan class. I also look forward to more time in my rope SIGs and doing more private play. I shall be a busy little rigger, which is generally how I like it.

If I have a challenge for myself this year, it's about integrating all the different parts of my life. That means things like packing rope for Pantheacon and pagan tools for Shibaricon. It means trying to use more rope ties in my non-kink life: in my garden, for example, or for non-kink spellwork. It means writing in more public pagan and kink forums about what it is that I do. Look to see lots more rants over this way.

But first: packing. There are parties to attend! Boots, check. Cincher, check. Tube o' canes? Double check.

Happy New Year's to all, and to all a good bite.

Speaking of cool-sounding books

I just got the press release for upcoming book-release events down here in the dirty South. I hadn't heard of this book, but sounds up our alleys . . .

Philosophy in the Dungeon: The Magic of Sex & Spirit approaches spirituality with Jack [Rinella]'s uniquely kinky perspective, including historically, psychologically, and yes, physically. Jack's system is holistic, based on extensive study, his most intimate experiences, and common sense. He approaches topics such as prayer, magic, and faith with modest confidence and rescues these concepts from their usual stereotypical meaning and misunderstood dogmatism. He encourages those looking for more significance in their kinky lifestyle to embrace an individualized spiritual path and to shed dogmatic approaches to spirituality that have only too often shamed people into denying their authentic selves.

Interesting. Naturally, I've cleared my slate to go hear his talk next weekend, and will have more to say then!

Poly pioneers, self-knowledge, and courage

Sometimes you just see the right thing on waking.

I've been giving a lot of thought to polyamory lately. The thing about poly is that there simply is no rulebook. Certainly there are pioneers who try to write about their journeys. And, some of those pioneers being actual relationship therapists, they have useful things to say. Deborah Anapol's Love without Limits is one I read early. Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy's The Ethical Slut is quite a good one. There's a newer rant called Redefining our Relationships by Wendy-o Matik which I have to say is one of my favorites right now (probably because it reminds me of my early rants on the topic).

Polyamorous folks are in the early stages of a very new kind of relationship. Which means that all of these pioneers can really only map out their own routes, and those of their tribes, and try to make sense of it all. The best route depends on the weather, the people, whom you're travelling with, your supplies, your navigator. So I worry about those folks who start holding up The Ethical Slut like it's a rulebook rather than a navigation tool. I worry about what will happen when they get lost on the path and find that Dossie is not in fact going to fly in and play judge and arbiter. Nope, only true consensus is going to serve any relationship.

One friend is fond of saying that there is no substitute for clear and open communication in the moment. And so I tend to think that statements like, "I'm queer," or "I'm poly" or "I'm kinky" should start discussions rather than end them.

But if there are no rules, there are still adages. Those pioneers come back with some crazy Zen wisdom in their forays. A friend in an open marriage once said to me, "There are no rules, Miriam! Only agreements!" (I think he was actually talking about drumming, but who am I to turn down a useful saying?) For most of the last year I've been chewing on that one like a Zen riddle, slowly teasing out more and more of it. Every once in a while I light up in a smile thinking I might have it, but it's a slippery little koan.

Today, Monk shares another quote from a poly person that lands for me:

She was talking about poly, about doing the more difficult things involved with being poly. She said to me, “The thing about courage is that it is not about the absence of fear, rather it is about committing to something in spite of your fears.”

Interestingly enough, T. Thorn Coyle hits almost exactly the same notes yesterday about the task of self-knowledge.

Different topics? I'm thinking not so much. In Thorn's article, the task of self knowledge happens within the context of love, the "fabric of all". This task of seeing and being seen is difficult work. Among all the other challenges polyamory brings up is more opportunities for being seen, all at the same time. That can feel like liberation, and it can feel like claustrophobia. Which it feels like at any moment has a lot more to do with my personal practice than it does with my lovers.

And this week I am reminded again, by those around me and myself - personality does not go away because insight has arrived. Personality is still danced with, laughed with, struggled with, loved and hated. "Know thyself" means this, too. The knowing does not make things disappear, no, it makes things appear more clearly. And sometimes that doesn't feel good at all.

But we see ourselves. Not wholly good, not wholly bad. We just are. One little piece in the web of life. And that, too, is perfection.

Tying one on for the New Year takes on a whole new meaning . . .

In other news, New Year's Eve is coming! There will be a party, and there will be play. And hopefully there will be a Pyrate Lass.

Which means that all daydreaming for the next few days will be spent figuring out what to do with this confluence. I have a few ideas already . . .

Life is good.

For the eels among us

One of my friends is discovering talents as an eel - someone who gets into ropes for the challenge of working back out again. He's a top, as a general rule, but a curious top. He's also all kinds of double-jointed, which makes for interesting (if dangerous-looking) play.

I get a kick out of watching him in ropes. It's not quite my thing - it's fascinating, but the psychology of it never quite makes sense to me. For most of the folks I tie, the ropes and the submission go together, at least a bit. For myself, I tend not to submit in ropes these days (and more's the pity . . . ), but I do have that part of my brain that adores the rope aesthetically as well as the other "track" in which I'm learning ties by being tied. In both scenarios, getting out of the ropes is usually the disappointing part. None of which helps make sense of the eel phenomenon.

So as I've got this on the brain, this lovely article from Graydancer on Ropes and Submission couldn't have come at a better time.

But not only was there never a time when I felt like submitting, but there was never really even a time when I felt vulnerable. I’m a big fan of leg sweeps and kicks and knees and head butts; I also, from lots of dance experience, am comfortable on the floor, or using other’s bodies as bases, and so there was never a moment when I felt that frisson of "what are they going to do to me?" And it makes me wonder more at that little psychological switch that seems to be in some of us, and not in others; the difference between surrendering and constantly evaluating the options to figure out what you can do next.

Hmm. I think that makes sense. And, as a contrasting backdrop, I think it helps me better understand what I'm looking for as a rope top. Which is probably the subject of another entry . . .

Riders

For those of you expecting an entry on pony play, my apologies for the misdirect.

No, today I'm thinking about the other kinds of riders. Those long lists on which big named rock stars spell out all their desires for a show: M&Ms with all the brown ones picked out, or day lilies, or local barbecue.

This morning, doing something as mundane as plucking my eyebrows, I realized that I have a set of riders for play.

Mine are quite nearly arbitrary, but strangely essential. A great many of them have to do with my mane.

• My hair must be well-kempt (at least to start). I wear my hair up so much for topping that on the days I wear it fully up otherwise I find myself being saucy and sly all day.
  
• Well shaven, natch.
  
• Eyebrows plucked or waxed. (If I cannot at least have ruly eyebrows, how on earth am I going to manage a bottom? I mean, really . . . )
  
• And, fizzy water. Perrier, or the like. That's the rider bit. It's not that I must have it; I'll take a pickup scene where I can get it, and I'm not a water fetishist. But the reverse isn't true. I almost never drink the stuff except when I'm scening. And so having it is a signal to self to go into scene space. Grabbing that nice cold bottle on the way into the playspace or bedroom? Mmmm. That itself gets me a little excited; my reptile brain knows exactly what's coming.
  
• I'm a sucker for robes, and blankets at the ready.
  
• And of course there's the little detail of choosing my toys to take on a party or out of town trip.

A little less formal than, say, using magick to get into scene space. But no less ritual. Some of these things get me in the mood hours or days before a play date. I pluck my eyebrows today because of things to come days from now. I am preparing myself, and that means that by the time play comes, I've got all of myself on board and ready.

And I have to say: I definitely suggest it. In my life right now, my play dates tend to be planned out weeks or sometimes months in advance. If I were waiting on an arbitrary "mood" to arrive (or not) I'd be lost in the water for a lot of it. Having these little keys to remembrance helps me bring myself fully to play in a way that is subtle, slips past all my guards, and is amazingly effective.

Make your own training adventures

Most days I tend to approach writing here with some calm and well formed thoughts. This morning, I'm feeling . . . not frustrated, but antsy maybe.

I want a dojo. I want a studio. I want somewhere I can go on a more regular basis to practice rigging. I want mentors.

I am blessed with the perfect rope bottom. (Who lives three hours away.) I have willing victims - er, volunteers - locally, but haven't been able to swing the time. It looks like it's have to be weeknights given my schedule. I already do two monthly SIGs. I have a wealth of riches. I feel almost ungrateful to have these longings at all, thinking back on how good I have it.

And yet. There's a yoga studio in my city where there are classes all day, all night - all levels. I wish I had something like that for rigging, where I could just make time to drop in and take a class, repeating it until I reach competancy and then getting on to the next one. There are days I want it to be that easy, or that challenging.

Thankfully, I've been doing this witch thing long enough that I know a bit about make-your-own-class adventures. I just finished helping to coordinate and priestess a local ritual that many of us also used as a catalyst for our Work in the last several weeks. Running up to Hallowe'en, I did the same thing kinkwise before a play party -- spending a couple of weeks really thinking about and practicing to do my best at a corset on a very attractive lass.

So: this is the point of suck it up. This is the time when I get past the holidays and start scheduling my own time in the dojo, even if it's on weekdays and even if I end up practicing mostly on myself. (Which, if I schedule right, I won't.) This is when I start figuring out what it takes for me to graduate to the next level, and reconfirm my committment to this art.

In any training, if I am doing it right, I hit a plateau of frustration about once a month or so. I'm there again. I want it to be easy, and it won't be. I want mentors that I don't necessarily have. So the important thing is that I continue the committment to teach myself, and that it's worthwhile. (It is.)

Supreme nerdiness

Uh oh. I've gotten out the glasses.

Nope, it's not for rope ties or caning. (Although I've had bottoms say they love me putting on my glasses to see better for those.)

Nope, it's far nerdier. It's RopeWiki.

Yep, I've been spending my coffee breaks this weekend playing secretary and nerd girl, trying to add what I can in the service of rope. There's something really fun and at the same time terrifying about joining a new Web project this early in its progress, but I have to say one of the best parts is that there's lots to do for a relative novice like me. No article yet on EMT shears? Hell, anyone can write that.

Wheee!

Yule

My first thought was to write about gift giving this morning. A couple of problems with that. First, I don't want to out to anyone that reads this what kinky presents are in the works for them! And also I've sworn so many times that I don't want presents it would be truly bad form to start pining over canes or whatnot now. (And goddess knows that anything I can eat is truly off the menu. The more pics I get back from the SIG last week, the more I swear I am getting back in Pilates, stat.)

So, instead I'm thinking about rituals of the season. Here are a few things I'd love to do as kink rituals in the dark of the year . . .

Mummifications. There's something about Yule that gets me in a mind for very floaty, passive trance. Also, it seems the time of year for very long rituals; many communities do all night vigils. So a nice mummification seems perfect. Also: you really can't do a mummification in the summer in the South. Not. Going. To Happen. (And finally that part of me that wants to lose a few pounds thinks all that Saran Wrap can't hurt!)

Fire play. What better way to honor the festival of lights but with some lovely blue fire dancing across the body? How festive!

Rope play. Well, of course. I'll probably find a reason to put rope play on my list for every other holiday for some reason, too, because - well, rope. But think of all that lovely wrapping, and unwrapping, and wrapping again. It's just a lovely way to celebrate objects of great value through even further decoration. Mmm, rope.

And last, but not least:

Pony play. Because who never wanted a pony for Christmas?

Documentation

I've been thinking a lot lately about the power of documentation.

A lover once told me, "I feel like as you go through your day you're also writing about it in your head." She seemed a bit concerned by this: not concerned that I'd write about her, but that I might somehow not be fully living my life because my writer's brain never turns off.

And I have to say, at least in part: guilty as charged. I think of myself as a poet and a writer at least as much as I'm a witch. I have published in print and electronically under five names, put out two 'zines, helped produce three others, have run two Web sites, and currently have more blogs than I can count on one hand. Granted I'm no Ana Voog, but I've done a pretty good job of documenting my life, with more or less artistic license.

And, that changes how I look at the world.

The first change is somewhat passive. I constantly collect images for poems. I sometimes think of pithy phrases for my blogs as I go through my day. I am constantly scribbling down ideas for blogs or articles or books. So that's true.

More than that, there's something about documentation that makes me actively push myself into a different life than I might otherwise have. To write on a topic -- and I have a few I write on -- I need to keep up at least a bit on that topic. To write about magick and power exchange means that I have an extra incentive to keep honing my knowledge about two of my favorite things. I am generally not content to have a boring day; that gives me nothing to write about. (Yes, I realize Plath could wax rhapsodic about picking her nose. But please, let's not make her an example.)

It's not just writing. When I was a teenager, I desperately wanted to be Andy Warhol - not to be famous as an artist in my own right as much as for touching and connecting others' fifteen minutes of fame. In my twenties, I created and hosted salons and played yenta to other artists. I wanted, and still want, to lead my life as art. And so I've always surrounded myself by creative people, and so I tend to watch what they do as well: visual arts, performance arts, songwriting. I have no skills in those arts, but have a deep appreciation for them. I can only manage a good camera well enough to photograph well behaved subjects like artifacts and museum pieces, so of course I'm amazed at how these artists capture everything from gorgeous landscapes to writhing bondage babes. I've been intrigued by photography for most of my adult life, at least as long as I've been writing. Self-photography intrigues me. Little image blogs. Large installations. But I tend to watch it, not do it. And I'm okay with that -- the photography has other uses for me.

The community whose SIG I attended last week has both a bondage SIG and a photography SIG, and there seems to be a solid overlap. And so, as I found myself tied six ways to Sunday, there were also flash bulbs going off in all directions, photographers setting up shots, and the lively interplay of artists between the photographers, riggers and bottoms, who in turn seemed to keep switching roles. Naturally, I loved it.

And now suddenly I find myself with hundreds of shots piling up. In a few short months I've gone from the girl with the "don't photograph me" band on her arm to a massively documented bona fide rope slut. Just like with my writing, the representation is not the experience. (And I've been a postmodernist long enough to never expect it to.) And yet the representation is its own thing: a reminder, a testament, and ideally a dialogue with the experience. I find myself wondering, along with: what affect will this tie have on my bottom? also: what will this look like? what is the symmetry or deliberate asymmetry? how will this look at thus and such angle? Along with: how does this rope feel to be in? or: how can I do some yoga and dancing in this suspension? a bit of: how can I vamp to the camera? A physicist or post-modernist might call this observer theory: the camera does not merely document an event, but changes its very nature.

Perhaps that's what my lover was getting at. And I have to cop to it. And, I can't say I see it as a bad thing.

The SIG was going at a much higher level than I've seen before for demo and teaching work. Was it just the nature of the community (which has a lot of very good riggers)? Perhaps. But I like to think there's something else at play here. Rope is an art form which is beautiful in part because it's ephemeral. But photography changes that dynamic a bit. The ropes aren't just ephemeral and dynamic. They're also processual - the process is the product, and the documentation helps retain that. And of course the photograph takes the rope a step further into a tool for product: the finished photograph. So now we have three levels of art going on at the same time, at least: the ephemeral feeling of rope on body and power exchanged, the process of the tying and untying, the product of the photograph.

There have long been days I've wanted to play Kiki to someone's Man Ray, so perhaps it's no surprise I seem to be surrounded by photographers. There's something erotic about the dynamic when artists of different media come together: dancers and musicians, riggers and photographers, visual artists and writers. The dance between arts has an erotic charge as hot as sex: the orgasm that starts between the ears. If I recall correctly, the Thoth deck has art as alchemy, and that's it exactly: the third being that emerges when two creative beings collide.

On Going Sideways

"There's the road to heaven
And the road to hell,
And there -
There's the road to Faerie."

I'm giving a lot of thought lately to third roads and other pathways: queering the categories, genderfuck, switching. Paradoxes and in-between spaces.

Should I start by saying that there's no "better than"? Do I need to? If I do, let me say: there is nothing wrong with being straight or gay, being top or bottom, being gendered, being firm in one place. But also - there is nothing less than in being where I am, which is a place where none of these distinctions hold much meaning other than providing points of frission for play.

Even when you get to recognizing switching in the scene, there's a whole mode of discourse on switching that less and less resembles who I am or how I play. The discourse seems defined by a set of either/ors that don't fit my life. The local scene is actually pretty "accepting" of switches, but still there are groups that are open to "tops, or switches in top mode," or "bottoms, or switches who are in bottom mode."

First, you have to get there. You have to get beyond the question "Are you a top or a bottom?" Please don't ask me who I am, at least not by providing a set of binary checkboxes. Instead, ask me what I do. Asking, "Do you top or bottom?" would at least be a first step. Asking "Do you top? Do you bottom?" expecting an answer for each not contingient on the other would get us even further there. But not quite. Not for me anymore.

Top mode. Bottom mode. I used to think I knew that that meant. I had a lover once with an icon that had a little picture of a light switch on it, and said: "I do switch. Do you?" And I loved that icon. I was just starting my adventures in topping at that point, and the idea delighted me. Yes, of course I did! And I felt a lot like that light switch. Up position: now I am topping! Down position: now I am bottoming!

And at first, I'd get frustrated. Why couldn't I hold myself to one of those perfect boxes? As a bottom, I began to find myself noticing exactly what my tops did, taking notes. Did that make me a "bad" bottom? As a top, I found myself wanting to please. Did that make me one of those terrible service tops I kept hearing so many bad things about?

And yet, there was already something compelling about switching. That lover with the light switch was the one who growled to me, taking me down for the first time after a short history of bottoming to me, "There's a reason that I'm usually the bottom, and it's not that I'm the nice one . . . " And I kept finding it over and over to be true, and delighted in it. By accident or design, I found that to a one the masochists that topped me played me much harder than any top ever had, and I loved it. I quickly grew to expand my capacity even more as a pain slut under these vicious players than I had in years of (just) bottoming to (just) tops. These days, I get the same feedback about my own play; I take people harder than they might otherwise go, because I've been there, and I know the way.

I think it was my priestess training that actually began to change things for me. The concept of dual awareness began to really sink in, and seep over into my play. Ah, yes. I can top, and still be open and vulnerable. I can be tied up, and maintain enough dual awareness to also learn the ties I'm in and plan to use them later.

But it's more than that. There's a kind of alchemy that I'm just starting to explore. A place where I'm not either/or but both/and, and I honestly can't tell what parts of me are running top or bottom energies or why that distinction would be relevant. There are moments when it's all just life force - my life force connecting with the life force of someone else, and becoming a new entity. The ferocity of getting back to my early days of incredible rough sex before anyone ever thought to ask me what team I was playing for. Getting back to just life force.

Ironically, or maybe not, this is coming at the first time in my life that I'm also gaining a serious interest in D/s.

I had an amusing moment the other day at the SIG. I was in a partial suspension, lazily swinging in a completely comfortable chest harness, one leg in the air, slowly working my way from a half moon up into standing again. One of the local riggers said, "I could have sworn when I met you at ARS you were a top." I just smiled and said "I am . . . !" And there's no paradox for me there for me any more.

I am still dropping the last vestiges of worrying about being seen as a top or a bottom, and I'm happy with that. It's a process. Mostly it's not my ego that makes me not want to lose "cred"; it's my desire to keep finding bottoms who will play with me. And I find as I give in and trust the process that it still happens, pretty much in the way I need. I love that surprise of folks that mostly see me in one mode suddenly seeing me in the other. Even more, I love those that can see and honor both of them in me at once. Something as simple as my calling in a sweet submissive who's never met me to do a quick act of service for me while I'm in suspension: beautiful.

There's a great moment from the SIG last week caught on tape. I'm dressed already, have my glasses on, but Pyrate Lass is still in a full katana. I'm testing her breasts for sensitivity, "all in the service of photography". She's in the rope, but she's standing, I'm kneeling. I'm doing, she's receiving. But she's beaming. I come back from it, and one of the photographers orders, "Do it again." And Pyrate Lass beams "And she does!" as I do. Who is topping here? Who is bottoming? Does it matter?

Like most things in my life, this is a work and play in progress. I don't think I've figured out an ending point. It seems more likely I am just beginning to queer these categories.

RopeWiki

I was pondering tonight what I'd write. I had a fantastic weekend with Pyrate Lass, and a great time at the SIG.

And, as is usual after these events, I have so much to say that I have no earthly idea where to start. I'm buzzing with ideas, and feeling inspired but nothing's quite cogent yet. So I figured I'd do a cop out post and post tutorial links to a couple of the ties we were ostensibly there to learn before things got more complex.

Then, in the course of looking up the "Foole's Cuff", I found Rope Wiki, a little "wikipedia" of shibari stuff. How cool is that?

So, that can keep you busy till I find time to write about shibari knots, predicament bondage, thoughts on documentation, and the fine art of going sideways . . .

For those with a tweed jacket fetish

Before I head out, I'd like to share the delightful Bondage University.

Lots of techniques, tips, and thoughts from riggers and bottoms, an online version of Jay Wiseman's infamous negotiation checklist, Q&A pages and more. It's fun, and I look forward to catching up reading it when I get a chance.

Be warned: the navigation is not very intuitive, and so there's more than there appears at first sight; check the bottom of the linked pages for more sublinks.

SIG SIG Sputnik!

Off for a weekend of roping with Pyrate Lass, including attending a new SIG.

I always get this feeling before going to a new class or SIG. Will they like me? Will I get to play with the cool kids? Will my Rope Slut shirt fit in, or be passe? There's a feeling about it -- a mix of excitement and slight intimidation -- that I've come to associate with most of the worthwhile and life-changing events in my life.

Besides which, I can't stay too nervous because the other thought in my mind is, mmmm, Pyrate Lass . . .

Severity and mercy, via ropes

Tight ropes feel safe and comforting. Ropes too loose feel . . . off somehow. Not very trustworthy.

The leg that shows the ligature marks an hour from now is the one that will make me feel happy and safe right now.

The other powers of the imagination

When I was younger, I didn't have a very powerful feel for the senses in trancework. Several years of practice (and some new conceptual models) later, I am able to see, hear and feel in trance fairly well, and smell and taste a little.

Which can sometimes lead to very interesting moments. Like last night, when I was practicing trance for a public ritual with a good friend and co-priestess. We were doing pairs trance, and when we created the anchor cord between ourselves for me to go back, she said to create a "cord . . . or a rope". Good call! Yes, great imagery for me. And I decided to very quickly imagine an energetic rope harness to use for the work.

"And you are falling back, into warm supportive water."

At which my first thought was, "Oh fuck! Hemp rope!" and I could actually feel the rope tightening for a moment, before I decided: "Nylon! It's nylon rope."

My friend must have seen the quick look of panic on my face; we had a great laugh about it later. "Next time, I'll watch for the water ahead," she said. Maybe, "It might be nylon rope . . . "

Speaking of Pentacles . . . !

Lovely rope witches, check out this lovely star tie in Graydancer's GloRoMo pics. Oh, oh, oh! I'd been thinking of trying ties like that, or a full rope dress tree of life. Inspiring.

(I'm bypassing the usual entry, so here's your initiation. Over 18? Ready for pics that aren't work safe? Okay, we trust you.)

Service

Sacred service is the path of honoring what the Other needs, in the form it appears to them. Yet it is doing so without losing the essence of Self that the Other called into service. It is never second guessing, but it is often looking ahead of and beyond what is asked.

It's a paradox.

(If you think by service I mean bottoming, or service topping, then you probably have never seen me go sideways yet. Hierodules and priestesses R us.)

A Rite of Unbinding

In the Reclaiming and Feri traditions (and probably others) rites of unbinding are used to free up life force that might be tied up with unnecessary neuroses, events or distractions.

For obvious reasons, I'm intrigued by the language here. What if the rite of unbinding involved literal rope?

I think there would be a number of ways to approach this. Hence this post is "a" rite of unbinding, not "the" rite. This rite uses the same basic tech as a chaos magick sigil, in which the explicit aim is to encode the will into the spell, forget its conscious construction, and then release it to allow the unconscious to do its work.

A rite of unbinding

First - formulate your Will and determination to perform the ritual.

It is very important (for reasons beyond the scope of this entry) to formulate your will in the positive. For example, if you are doing a spell to have a cleaner house, avoid: "I will not leave the messy dishes in the sink for two days," in favor of "I will live in a clean and pleasant house." There are a couple of very simple reasons for this - mostly one of focus. The magickal self latches onto images, and couldn't care less about qualifiers like "not." If the shiny image in your sentence is "messy house" that's where the energy goes. If the shiny image is "clean house," likewise. (In theory, one could do a different rite of unbinding that literaly binds one with the bad juju and creates a means for escape, but that seems a longer and much more dangerous spell.)

If you decide to proceed, be sure to get tools and some safety equipment to hand - EMT shears, rope, water. Like lighting candles for your rituals? Not unless you have a priestess around, my friend.

If a priest/top is facilitating the spell, she should be made aware of the intention and should set it actively when binding the ropes.

Then, do the binding, deliberately setting your Will into the ropes as they go on. A priest/top can made the bondage as straightforward or elaborate as desired. For solo rituals, I find that crossing the legs and binding them with a simple two-column (or even one-column) tie at the ankles works just fine.

A period of meditation may be desired, but I offer a cautionary note - don't try to figure out what actualizing your Will "looks like" right now. In our example about the clean house - sure, you might get better at cleaning. You might suddenly come into enough money to afford a regular maid service. You could find the perfect service submissive. You could win a contest for a new house. You just don't know. Try not to get attached to how things will actualize, and let the Universe surprise you.

Raise energy. Sensation play is good for this - pain and pleasure can both be used to feed the spell. If you are doing the spell on your own, masturbation is probably the best way to raise energy (and also is a good way to honor the chaos magick roots of the spell). When the energy peaks, send it off with a breath to actualize your Work.

Rest a moment.

As you remove the ropes or have them removed, imagine that the spell is literally lifting away from you to work in its own mysterious ways. Feel your energy unbind from what had previously concerned you, knowing that change is on the way.

Snarky thought of the day

Deliberate humiliation scenes? Fair enough, if that's what you're into.

Trying to diminish someone who didn't negotiate for it, just because they're bottoming and you are a Great and Almighty Top (tm)? Not on my watch, you don't.

After a while, that kind of thing makes you look like you have something to prove, and no means to do so. I'm not impressed.

Rope

I desperately needed some downtime and reflection last night. My mundane brain said: "Watch a movie!" But the temple called louder.

So, I took the rope I'd been magickally processing last week and decided to do more with it.

I ran it through the washer on hot, and hung it to dry for just a couple of hours, then re-burnished it. With the ropes still damp, I could spend much more time on each spot to singe it without risk of burning through. I spent a long, meditative time reburnishing each rope twice through. And then I crocheted the rope again, still damp but sooty, and ran it through the washer again on hot. And then I did something I almost never do and ran the rope through the dryer until it was nearly dry, hoping to soften the fibers a bit more.

And - it seems to have worked! The rope smells like cut grass, not soot. It hasn't been oiled yet, but already it's soft. And most importantly, I can run it along the tender skin along the inside of my arm and it doesn't make me itch at all.

I'll oil it this afternoon, but already I am pleased with it. Which is good. I have 175 more feet of rope ready to be next.

Things I've learned

Well, I learned a few things tonight in re-processing the hemp rope I've been working on.

1. This thing about hemp rope not playing nicely with water? True!

2. Knots in hemp subjected to water? I might as well forget about ever getting them out.

3. My EMT shears work, even on stubborn water-logged rope.

Learning these lessons experientially without a submissive in the ropes? Priceless.

I probably needed a couple of 15 foot lengths of the 6mm anyway. But next time I'll take the damned midpoint knots out and crochet the rope properly before running it through the washer. Sheesh.

In other news, tonight I did my burnishing with the rope still damp and that worked out nicely: I was able to burnish each section longer without risk of burning through. Good to know, now that I've bought another 65 feet of 4mm and 95 feet of 8mm that needs processing . . .

Yoga for Rope Enthusiasts: Gomukhasana

The upper part of Gomukhasana, or Cow Faced Pose, is excellent for creating more flexibility in the arms, and the range of the arms behind the back. See where I'm going with this?

This shot shows more of the back piece of the asana, and helpfully cautions to have a belt nearby if necessary. Indeed!

Seriously, though -- beginners can use straps as a stopgap until they can get their hands to touch behind the back. No yoga strap? Well, if you have some rope handy . . .

Roping for absolute beginners

I've mentioned before that one of the myths of Japanese-style rope bondage is that it's too complicated or hard to learn. Nope! Just like the saying about Go (or is it Othello): minutes to learn, a lifetime to master.

And, not everyone is looking to do complex work. Sometimes it's just fun to tie someone off to a bed, y'know?

Have a few minutes? Want to learn a few basics? The talented Twisted Monk has a few things to show you.

GloRoMo redux - this time it's personal

Some part of me wants to squeal like Hiro in Heroes now: "Yata!!!! I did it!"

Or maybe I just love doing my part . . .

Yoga for Rope Enthusiasts: Pt. 1

I started taking yoga a little over two years ago to expand my capacity and flexibility as a rope bottom.

By luck, I began to practice perhaps the best type of yoga for rope enthusiasts. I study Iyengar Yoga, a style which emphasizes the use of props (blankets, blocks, straps) to intensify and better align poses, works strongly on balanced standing poses, and has an emphasis on mental discipline.

Now that I am topping, I'm even more intrigued by yoga as a mental and physical discipline. I watch with dual awareness as my teacher aligns students. I note how long people can hold certain poses. I observe how I come to inner quiet after an hour of struggling with and against the poses. Bridgett Harrington, in an article for Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path suggests a link between the way yoga uses straps and props and the way bondage folks use rope, and I'm inclined to agree. If there is one single practice I could recommend to rope bottoms (besides being in rope more often!), yoga would be it. That's not because I'm looking for the proverbial 98-pound model who's as flexible as Gumby, either. What really intrigues me is the self-discipline it takes to really do yoga, which is (in my opinion) the same self-discipline it takes to dance in the ropes.

To that end, I'm going to dedicate a few Tuesdays to poses I'm interested in for rope bottoms. For starters . . .

Beginners

Any pose whatsoever. At this point, I'm less interested in what you can do and more interested in the fact that you can make it through a one-hour yoga class and stick with it. I'm particularly interested that you can get through savasana, the corpse pose at the end, and still your monkey mind for a while.

(to be continued . . . )

Monday came far too soon

Long, long weekend. No time for profound thoughts, although I hope to have some new pictures soon.

Right now I leave you with the thought that (while they are no substitute for sleep) root beer floats and Bad Willow episodes of Buffy make some lovely post-play fun.

Containing Beauty and Darkness: Twinned Pentacles of Power Exchange

The original version of this article was published in Witcheye: A Journal of Feri Uprising Issue 13. The article has been slightly amended for those who might not be familiar with Feri traditions and tools.

In the Feri creation myth, the Star Goddess looks into the mirror of space, sees her opposite mirrored back, and falls in love. Through her ecstasy, she births twins: brothers and lovers, tumbling in cosmic play. These divine twins circle and dance, spinning out universes of possibility and transformation, generating transformative energy through the cycling of their difference, and the axis of their common birth.

The twins dance through us when we are entwined with our lovers, spinning threads of difference:

Light and darkness.
Beauty and terror.
Pain and ecstasy.

Magick and Power Exchange

In the practice of power exchange, the divine twins can provide sacred patronage under which to hold the polarities of dominance and submission, or consensual sadomasochism. These practices provide a container through which lovers can generate powerful creative energy through the eroticism of difference.

Dominance and submission? Sadism and masochism? For magickians who haven't worked with these energies, the fit with the divine erotic might not be intuitive. Witches in some Feri lines (such as Starhawk in Reclaiming) have even called these types of play a perversion of life force. So, what do I mean when I invoke these charged words?

While far from simple, BDSM roles function most simply as priest/ess and trance journeyer. A top or dominant in a consensual scene functions as priest/ess - the person who watches, directs and manages the flow of intense energy. This allows the bottom or submissive to safely travel as edgewalker - one who through the skilled facilitation of the top can navigate the inner worlds of altered consciousness and journey to other realms.

One route to ecstasy is the use of sensation play, which may include sensory stimulation, sensory deprivation, or pain play. Midori, a teacher and writer in the BDSM scene, is careful to distinguish between pain play and the larger field of sensation play. I am fond of her definition of a sadist as one who enjoys creating intense sensation (of whatever type) in another. Other roles might involve fantasy play without physical contact - we might think of this as ritual theater. For the purposes of this article, I will use "top" to describe those taking on the active role: be that sadist, dominant, or some other role. I will use "bottom" to describe the participant who is being directed, by that in a masochistic, or submissive, or service role, or in some other way. (A full description of the roles of BDSM top or bottom can take an entire book - and has! I strongly recommend The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy for more information on this topic.)

BDSM practitioners largely describe their play as "safe, sane and consensual". Others call their play "risk-aware consensual kink," acknowledging more explicitly that while we aim for work that is ultimately safe, this work -- like the work of Feri itself -- is dangerous, not least in the sense that it is life changing. Both terms draw a firm line between the fully-informed consent of power exchange and non-consensual abuse. In both models, our task is to create strong containers in which to do edgy work as safely and intentionally as possible for those involved.

The Iron Pentacle

In Feri, one of the best such anchors is the Iron Pentacle. Daily work with the birthright powers of Sex, Pride, Self, Power and Passion keeps us grounded and centered and serves as an anchor for the rest of our work.

A full exploration of the Iron Pentacle is beyond the scope of any one article. In Feri, the work of the Iron Pentacle is considered the work of a lifetime: a tool to be contemplated in meditation, a set of energies to be run through the body, an anchor to one's iron blood and the iron core of the earth herself. Learning to distinguish between the pure Iron Will of Pride, for example, and differentiate that quality from shame or arrogance requires ruthless self-examination and vital courage. It is not undertaken lightly. Those who wish to undertake this work might seek out a local Reclaiming or Feri teacher; both traditions teach Iron Pentacle as a core class. In areas where such classes aren't available, I recommend T. Thorn Coyle's excellent Evolutionary Witchcraft.

Power Exchange Pentacles

Seeking a way to integrate my BDSM work with my magickal practice, I created the Power Exchange Pentacles as a working tool. These pentacles stack on top of and beneath the Iron Pentacle to initiate and anchor a shift from ordinary consciousness into 'topspace' or 'bottomspace' for BDSM play. Because of the way topspace and bottomspace play off one another in scene, one danger of scening is that we become reactive rather than fully embodying action and choice within our roles. (This danger might seem more intuitive for the bottom, but in fact is true in either role.) These pentacles keep us in the realm of action rather than reaction. They anchor both topspace and bottomspace as a conscious choice, fully connected with our Will and our Iron birthrights, allowing for deeper and more intentional travel into the altered spaces of scene play.

The Topping Pentacle

Circumference, Domination, Guardianship, Control, Compassion

Start by grounding, aligning and centering. If there is anything obstructing your energy, or which may cause you to confuse your priest/essing role with actual domination or control, use a purification rite to release those blocks.

Ground a cord to the center of the earth, and on a breath pull up the molten energy from the earth's core to the center of your head, the point of Sex. Run the Iron Pentacle through your body, feeling the hot, red iron energy energize the points of Sex, Pride, Self, Power and Passion. Run the Iron Pentacle across your body until you feel completely filled with and grounded in these energies, and then run once more around the body to seal the pentacle: From Sex to Self, to Passion, to Pride, to Power.

At the head, feel the spirit of Sex shift into Circumference. Running to the right leg, feel Pride shift to the role of Domination. Running the energy up to the left arm, feel Self shift into Guardianship. Running the energy across to the right arm, feel Power shift to Control. Running the energy down to the left leg, feel Passion shift to Compassion.

Continue run the energy across the body. As you do, feel the Iron energy begin to cool slightly. From the molten Iron which connects you to the earth, allow these energies to transform, through your cool-headedness, into an iron cauldron in which you can contain the energies of BDSM work. Feel your ability to hold the circumference and spirit of the work, your pride in holding a hot role that will please your bottom, your expansive ability to guard your partner's safe journeys to the edges of their Self, your ability to competently control and ground the energies of the scene, and your deep compassion for the emotional changes that this work brings.

Circumference, Domination, Guardianship, Control, Compassion. Run the pentacle across your body until you feel the cool power of the compassionate and competent top, fully grounded in the connection of your iron cauldron to the life force in the heart of the earth. When you are ready, run the pentacle once more around your body, as God Herself would draw it onto you: Circumference, Guardianship, Compassion, Domination, Control. Anchor those energies into your body, knowing that you can reconnect with these points as needed to facilitate your scene.

The Bottoming Pentacle

Center, Submission, Edgewalking, Release, Trust

Start by grounding, aligning and centering. If there is anything at all which obstructs your energy, or which may might cause you to confuse your choice to submit with true subordination, use a purification rite to release those blocks and to honor your power.

Check in with yourself. Are you starting from a place of power and in alignment with your Will? If you cannot answer both questions with "yes," this is probably not the time to scene. Remember: you cannot exchange power you do not have.

Ground a cord to the center of the earth, and on a breath pull up the molten energy from the earth's core to the center of your head, the point of Sex. Run the Iron Pentacle through your body, feeling the hot, red iron energy energize the points of Sex, Pride, Self, Power and Passion. Run the IP across your body until filled with and grounded in these energies, and then run once more around the body to seal the pentacle.

In your head, feel the spirit of Sex shift into Center. Running to the right leg, feel Pride shift to the role of Submission. Running the energy up to the left arm, feel Self shift into Edgewalking. Running the energy across to the right arm, feel Power allow for Release. Running the energy down to the left leg, feel Passion build Trust.

Continue to run the energy across the body. As you do so, allow the Iron energy to remain molten and flow freely. Feel your sex energy at the center remain fluid, allowing you to flexibly and move with the spirit of the play to come. Move through your sex energy deeply into the edgespace at your center, the center of sacred work and sacred play. Step into a submissive role that is rooted in the heat of your pride: your ability to submit without shame to pleasure. Step into the airy and spacious edges of self. Empower yourself to release your agency for the duration of the scene. Passionately open to the deep waters of trust for your partner and the intensity of your desire.

Center, Submission, Edgewalking, Release, Trust. Run the pentacle across your body until you feel the liquid force of a fully empowered and willing bottom, fully grounded in the connection of your molten iron energy with the life force in the heart of the earth. When you are ready, run the pentacle once more around your body, as God Herself would draw it onto you: Center, Edgewalking, Trust, Submission, Release. Anchor those energies into your body, knowing that you can reconnect with these points as needed to relax fully into your scene.

Using the Pentacles

I most often use the Topping or Bottoming Pentacle as a solo practice to prepare myself not only for going into scene, but also for gaining clarity before going into kink-focused social events. I am a 'switch' (taking on a topping or bottoming role situationally, rather than preferring one or the other as an ongoing role), but started out bottoming. When I was first topping, I found the Topping pentacle very useful in solidifying an active priestessing role that was less intuitive for me.

Two or more partners can also run the pentacles simultaneously as a part of creating sacred space for a scene, starting by running iron together, then shifting into the respective pentacles to create the container for the work.

BDSM can lead to intense altered states. After the scene is completely finished, it's a good idea to fully release the topping and bottoming roles. Running the Iron Pentacle in tandem with your partner or alone is a good way to come fully back to 'normal' consciousnes after this work.

Sex: Circumference: Center

Sex is our connection to life force, which allows us to embody spirit through Ecstasy. In sexual exchanges without power play, the sex force might feel deeply connective: merging, entwining, becoming closer. In power exchange, connective life force also runs deeply, but it does so within a container created by difference and distinction, tension and differentiation. The top distances energetically from the bottom, and in so doing intensifies the arc of desire: the distance between lover and beloved opens up a space for longing.

The energetic connection between top and bottom is that of circumference to center, which opens to the mystery: these are in fact the same space after all.

Pride: Domination: Submission

The points of domination and submission are located at the position of pride. BDSM treats these positions as chosen roles for a type of ritual theater, not static positions. Many BDSM practitioners will tell you that the true power in a scene lies with the submissive, who chooses the parameters of the scene, and holds a 'safe word' to stop or pause the scene should it cross their boundaries, stated or unstated.

Feri tradition cautions witches not to submit their life force to any person or thing. It's important to note that submission in BDSM is not a giving over of the life force but rather a conscious choice made to explore polarity play, typically for a limited duration. Submission in scene is a deliberate role taken on, in alliance with the dominating priest/ess, to harness and contain life force. Domination is a role to embody the submissive's fantasies and desires. As with any ritual theater role, the roles of dominant and submissive are best aspected from a starting position of pride.

Self: Guardianship: Edgewalking

The energies of power exchange play -- like all magick -- can be deeply transformative. Cultivating a strong sense of Self allows tops and bottoms to step clearly and fully into those roles -- and back out of them.

In play, the bottom is able to explore edges. It is the edge that is impacted by sensation play, where the top and his or her tools come up against the boundary of the skin. D/s play may work the psychological edges, exploring taboos that might be unacceptable to the everyday self. Particularly for bottoms, BDSM creates an opening for altering consciousness at will and exploring both inner space and other realms.

The responsible top functions as a guardian, allowing the bottom to safely navigate these other realms, watching that the bottom is able to safely explore their edges without in fact transgressing the boundaries needed to keep play safe.

Power: Control: Release

In order to exchange power, we must first have power to exchange. I cannot exchange power with you if I don't have any. BDSM is best suited to those who have a strong sense of their own power, and who are able to remain fully grounded.

One priestess has told me that she doesn't care for the term "power-exchange," because power is not truly exchanged through this work if done well, but is increased for both partners. Perhaps another way of looking at this point is agency exchange. The bottom consciously releases agency within a negotiated set of parameters that they would presumably not agree to out of scene. Stated or unstated, the bottom has asked to cede their power for the duration of play: "I will allow you to tie me up," or "Please spank me with a wooden paddle," or "Please order me to serve you." Within those parameters, the top controls the direction of the scene. On the meta-level, the bottom retains several measures of true agency: by participating in pre-negotiating the scene, and by holding 'safe words' that will allow them to stop or pause the scene if needed. Within the container of the scene, the bottom has the freedom to release their agency, knowing that their top will competently exercise control.

Passion: Compassion: Trust

BDSM can be 'technical', but it remains rooted in passion and desire. This play can open deep emotions and vulnerabilities for both partners.

Tops work best with compassion. As a top, I may be wielding a whippy cane or saying 'mean' things, but I can only do so safely with a profound respect for the bottom who is playing with me and who takes these blows. Topping without compassion risks crossing over in to abuse.

Compassion does not begin and end with a scene. When negotiating for a scene, it is important to hear what your partner does -- and does not -- want with compassion for both desire and its limits. It is not acceptable to denigrate another's wishes, especially in the vulnerable space of negotiation and scene. If as a top I cannot accommodate your desires, I need to speak to this compassionately. "How on earth can you be into that?" would be devastating to the bottom who has just confessed a taboo desire to me in trust. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can meet your needs for that. How about . . . ?" respects both the top's own desires and the integrity of a bottom's passion and trust. Even more importantly, a top must always respect limits and safewords. Boundaries are sacrosanct; a compassionate top does not violate them nor push.

A bottom needs to trust first their own instincts and then the top with whom they are playing. Trust in self always comes first. As a bottom, it is essential for me to listen to my fetch, that part of me that holds both my animal desire and my bodily knowing. There is a difference between fun and exhilarating fear, and actual concern. I have the obligation to myself to not play any top that will not honor my concerns or limits. If I run into a major concern mid-scene, I need to have the trust in myself and my top to use my safewords. Only after I fully trust myself can I begin to trust any top. Presumably, if I am playing with a top, I already have built some trust. Within scene, I should be willing to give that top a certain amount of agency and energetic support. And, if I have feedback, I should also give that with some compassion. (Tops are vulnerable, too!)

Conclusions

BDSM contains deep tools for healing, personal transformation, and ecstatic magick. BDSM can be used with intention to fully explore our full capacity as sexual human beings, and to know ourselves in all of our parts -- including parts that in everyday life are considered taboo or forbidden. Using our magickal tools -- alignment, purification, pentacle work -- reaffirms the sacred nature of this work.

The art of bottoming

I realized this morning that even in what I've written here before, there's a real and probably inevitable bias.

Well, several biases.

I tend to write about rope, because that's what I love. Yes, I'm a sucker for a well thrown singletail, but that's not what I do. And I love me some well made canes, and use them with gusto, but canes aren't my little obsession right now, which brings me back to rope.

And of course I write from my own magickal perspective. There are a number of ways to integrate magick and BDSM, and they're not all the same. I write from the perspective of my own magickal biases.

But what I really meant to call out as my bias is that I tend to write as a top. I'm not just a top, but that's the side of me I act from in most of my public play, and hence that's the perspective I'm more likely to write from.

And yet, that leaves more out than I sometimes realize.

I linked earlier this week to a post from Graydancer that really excited me, about rope as a creative art. In the post, and my recap of it, the emphasis is on the artistry and creativity of being a rope top.

But what about bottoming? Is that just a passive art?

I'm going to come down firmly on the side of 'no.' Absolutely not. At least, not necessarily.

I'm working on a longer post right now about yoga for rope bottoms, which I'll post here when it's done. But the theory behind it is this: rope bottoming is a skill, one that can be developed and enhanced through attention and study just like rigging. Some rope bottoming can definitely be passive, and I want to say (again with correcting my biases) that's absolutely okay. Some folks want to be absolutely helpless in the ropes and God knows I love to tie them.

But there's also a path of rope bottoming that is far more active. Some bottoms talk about dancing in the ropes. Some do yoga poses while suspended. Some work very actively on their agility, their patience, their flexibility, to increase the beauty of themselves inside the rope. For those bottoms, being tied is anything but passive. It's an active engagement, a dance, a yoga asana, a kata. It's art.

In ropes or any other endeavor, bottoms walk the edges and bring back the essence of life force and magick. That is an art every bit as essential as topping, and let no top say otherwise. (At least, not around me.)

Bondage Vending Machine

Only in Japan . . .

Giving Thanks

Today, there is a lot to be thankful for.

I'm thankful to live in a place and age in which I can be mostly open about my life as a queer woman. It's not everything; it's not perfect. GLBT people still face serious obstacles even in the Western world, not to mention beyond. But I am profoundly thankful for the courage of my queer ancestors: the ones who rioted at Stonewall, the ones who fought in ACT-UP, the ones still fighting for our rights. In a few short decades, we've gone from being arrested for simply meeting in nightclubs to openly fighting for gay marriage rights. US sodomy laws have come off the books. It is easier now to be who I am than at any time in recent history. I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful to live in a place and age where leather and bdsm and rope communities exist. I'm thankful for the Society of Janus, and their leather ancestors.

I'm thankful for power exchange communities, for bdsm conferences, for the resources available even in the hinterlands by book. I'm thankful for teachers and explorers. I'm thankful for Shibaricon, for Rope Dojo, for ARS. I'm thankful for leather pride, and Folsom Street Fair. I'm thankful to live in a world in which these types of education are available almost openly.

I'm thankful that the path continues; in twenty more years, I will be stunned at how much more we've accomplished.

Rope, and Imagination

Graydancer nails it with one of those "Yes! Yes! That's it exactly!" posts.

Yes. That's it. The beauty and terror of rope is that it engages my creative self, my sense of beauty, my desire toward the arts. It's not just an encounter with my play partner; it's an encounter with the spark of creativity in myself. That's why of the million and one ways I might top, this is the one that gets me hot every time, without fail.

I used to say I wasn't an artist. I don't say that any more.

I'm not willing to say with Graydancer that rope is somehow special in this regard, although it obviously is for me. Others paint their brushstrokes with canes, or wield so precise a single-tail they can work a bottom's face. If that's not also art, I don't know what is.

The rule of three

Aha! I've found new hope for my handprocessed rope!

The lovely folks at Erotic Hemp detail their 7-stage rope processing in a FAQ on their web site. (Frankly such transparency is unlikely to lose them business. It takes a stubborn rigger to process rope on one's own - trust me!)

Their stages are different than the stages I picked up from Bridgett Harrington and detailed in an earlier post. But I think the real difference is that they go through their full seven stages three times. Aha! Yes, I can see how that might get me there. I'd already been pondering doing a 2d pass on my handmade ropes to further refine them; it's nice to know that may just be part of the process.

QoTW

I often find myself in the position of explaining to people that I love exactly what it is that we do in the kink world, and why I might want to do it. Even in the pagan community, speaking of shamanic journeys and deliberate power exchange doesn't always get my point across. (I'd venture a guess it's even harder to communicate to those who don't value changing consciousness at will.)

Imagine my delight, then, at finding this quote from Jay Wiseman:

SM play differs from abuse in many of the same ways that a judo match differs from a mugging.

And, of course, being Jay he offers supporting evidence. In a numbered and probably prioritized list.

(For those questioning whether or not their relationships are really about consent, Jay also offers a few red flags that are completely on the money.)

Hesitancy, Boldness and Commitment

Those of us who cross both [the pagan and the kink] communities are in an especially fortunate place to begin this work. We know who we are; we're the ones that people approach timidly when they need to do a ritual to commemorate X, or to help them face Y. Perhaps we discuss it with them, and come up with a framework, and then they have to go away for a year or more and think about it before they can work themselves up to actually doing something about it. That's all right. It's what we're there for.

-- Raven Kaldera
Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path

My mythic ancestors did things the hard way: broke their hips wrestling with angels in the long night, walked forty years in the desert to cross a relatively short distance, created a glyph in which the point of connection is immediately followed by a long slog across the Abyss.

I reckon sometimes this might explain my internal wrestling. Each step of my work takes as long as it needs to take: working a triad of the Tree of Life, or stepping into priestessing my first public trance, or working through the steps of my personal initiation. Each runs deep for me. And long - years, for most of these. And as obvious as it seems after attaining each new level that I just had to "want it enough", the fact is that desiring each attainment as fiercely as possible in the moment didn't really help me work toward my goals any faster until I had also done the waiting and the work. The fear and the ambivalence were all part of the process, too.

It's the same in the scene.

Well, at least for me it is. I watch some of the younger members of the BDSM scene with awe. Five, ten, fifteen years younger than I am, sometimes they seem fearless going from one new experience to another with blinding speed and ferocity. It's inspiring.

They seem fearless. Perhaps they are, but I don't think that's it. I suspect it's that they commit to new experiences, and keep showing up.

Tops used to seem fearless to me. Priestesses, too. When I was a baby bottom, it sometimes seemed like those Tops had everything completely figured out, and were simply born fearless. A few of the members of the local BDSM club sometimes came to our local pagan salon, and to a one they terrified me. They sometimes invited us to come to meetings, munches, parties. This was twelve years ago, when I was still working desperately to overcome a sex abuse history and using meta-programming techniques to become more "sex positive". Ummm, thanks for the invite, but . . .

It took a few years before I moved beyond a bit of spanking and bondage to take part in more intentional BDSM scenes, still longer before I was able to clearly articulate my desires. I had been playing privately for several years before I began attending my first munches, meetings and classes, and another year still before I began attending public parties and SIGs.

Now that I know a bit more about the scene, I no longer see Tops as fearless. Or priestesses, for that matter. I know what it is to stand in the center of circle, surrounded by eighty witches, and to manage to get my lines straight. I know what it is to have something go wrong in circle and figure it out anyway so the magick comes off. I realize that Tops and priestesses both have fears. They simply have better techniques than most for encountering, naming, and working with those fears in partnership. (And if they don't - watch out! This is not a person you want to be in scene or circle with!)

Those fears don't go away, per se. But perhaps the fears become allies and partners. The fears show us where the power is.

And when that happens, we can begin to dance with the fears intentionally, leading them toward transformation rather than being led.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

attributed to Goethe

In a priestessing class, one of my teachers did something very clever. He asked, "Who in this class has never drummed for circle?" And when several of us stepped forward to say we hadn't, he said. "Great! You're our drum core for the ritual starting in ten minutes!" And there we were. We had all of 15 seconds to stare at one another wide-eyed with fear before we had to get right toward planning what we'd do, while the teacher found other priestesses to push past their comfort zones. I've made a point since then of looking at ritual planning with that eye: finding the place that I'm least comfortable and taking that role, intentionally. Not taking on something I can't do -- that would be irresponsible. But taking on something I am capable of doing, but haven't pushed myself toward doing yet.

I've done the same thing with the scene. Almost every threshold I've crossed has been because I've taken a risk. The first time I was caned, my then girlfriend negotiated the scene with a Top friend of ours. The Top said, "Now you have to get her to say 'yes'." I'd been paying only half attention. I said yes and then asked, "What did I just say yes to again?" Being responsible, I think the Top would have happily let me back out at this point; informed consent is still the name of the game. But pride wouldn't let me back out, which was just what she was counting on. I do the same thing with myself as a Top. "Hmmm? Oh, yes, sure I'd love to tie you up for the party next week!" And then I'm committed. Key up two weeks of planning for a lovely scene. And I follow through.

The key, then, is committing. Signing up for the ritual. Winning the tickets for Shibaricon at auction. Beginning the class. Finding that place at the edge of my comfort level and going toward it actively rather than shying away. Those places of committment are where the power lies.

Wrestle, if you need to. I still believe the wrestling and the waiting are part of the process. Being ready is critical. But in those opening moments of readiness, begin it now. We are not fearless, but we may choose to be bold.

Knots and the Knotty Knaves who Taught Them

A common meme of Japanese-style rope play is that you really don't need to know many knots. In the FAQ for her Rope Dojo, Midori writes that in order to learn her work, you just need to be able to tie your shoelaces.

It's true. Most of my work so far -- from the down and dirty rope gag to the most elaborate corset -- has involved exactly two knots: a larkshead (or Cow's Hitch), and an overhand knot to attach more rope by using (you guessed it) a lark's head. There are a few other hitches that I use to keep the rope from tightening, but nothing too fancy.

But what if you are interested in more elaborate ties, or want to learn Western-style rope bondage (with its emphasis on single-strand ties)? Well, that's where Jack at Kinky Ropes come in. In his tutorial section you'll find a variety of easy-to-follow steps to tie a variety of western-style cuffs and harnesses, as well as Japanese forms like the karada. Pagan types should especially check out the Bio page for a lovely, lovely pentacle tie.

Not interested in the fancy ties? Be not intimidated! Remember, if you can tie your shoes . . .

Elements of Rope Processing

So, I've finally gotten through all of the stages to hand process my first batch of hemp rope, with imperfect but mostly satisfying results. It's definitely not the lovely treated stuff I get from Twisted Monk or Erotic Hemp. Perhaps with time my own work will get there - or possibly not. But as a magickal person, I'm intrigued by the idea of making and consecrating my own tools, and that enough is worth further exploration.

For those who don't know, raw hemp rope like you might find at a marine supply or good hardware store (or, in my case, hippie Eco-friendly department store) is not something you want to put on human bodies, probably not even if they're serious masochists. The stuff is scratchy in a bad way, full of stems and other things you don't want on your bottoms' bottoms. I find it very itchy to the skin. The weave may also not be terribly even. And so, you need to process it to make it worth playing with.

The steps are simple, if a bit tedious. Here's what I did, based on reading Bridgett Harrington's very informative Shibari You Can Use, talking with local riggers, and adding a bit of magickal tech.

Pre-step 1: If you have such luxuries, pass these instructions on to a service submissive and have them make the ropes you'll be tying on them. Sadly, I skipped this step . . .

1. Cut the rope into the lengths you want, and finish the ends to prevent unravelling. You can finish the ends by whipping them (basically, sewing a fancy knot onto them with thread, which you can learn in your favorite knot book), or using an overhand knot or wall knot. I happen to like overhand knots at the ends of my ropes for holding larkshead additions to the ends, so I cut my rope into three 30-foot lengths and finished them with overhand knots.

The blade is an element of discernment, distinction making, and (in this working) air. In cutting, consider: what does it mean to take measure? As you tie: What loose ends do you gather? To what end?

2. Find the midway point of the rope, and bight it so that you have two strands side by side. At the end of both, begin to loosely hand-crochet the rope until you have a manageable hand-crocheted bundle. Repeat with other ropes.

3. Set the biggest stockpot you have to boil with water. Put in your ropes. Pretend they are spaghetti -- really nauseating smelling spaghetti. Set them to boil for an hour, stirring occasionally. Warning: this will make your house smell like bongwater. This step helps to boil out some of the loose bits, and to even up the weave.

Purification is traditionally done with water. As you set the pot to boil, what is your intention for this purification? As you pour out the (by now nauseating smelling) water, what do you release?

4. Uncrochet the ropes and hang them up to dry somewhere for 1-2 days, very loosely coiled. I recommend not drying these in the sun, as sunlight can be damaging to fibers, but probably drying them outside for just a day or two isn't enough to cause damage.

5. When you are ready to consecrate the rope, get a tealight or other safe small candle, and set up a place you can safely work without setting your house on fire should something go wrong. I used a small table in my temple for this, but an uncarpeted space would have been safer. Following Bridgett Harrington's advise, I put on good music - in this case Nurse With Wound's Rock and Roll Station, which I've long used for magickal and scene work.

Run the rope slowly, but not too slowly, through the fire, singing off any loose and scratchy fibers. Slowly turn the rope as you go to ensure that you are burnishing all of the rope evenly. Feel the rope as you go: I worked about a foot at a time, and then used my hands to smooth the rope down, putting out any little embers in the process and feeling if the rope needed to go back through again for more burnishing.

Fire is used to burnish, to consecrate, to dedicate. This step feels on a visceral level like a transformation. I passed the rope from left (if you're a qabalist: severity) to right (mildness) and could feel the stiff rope from the left not only lose its scratchy fibers passing to the right, but also loosen considerably. The very stiff scratchy coils to the left became very supple coils of softer rope on the right. At this stage, as questions of transformation: What am I transforming in this process? How can I use this rope as a tool of transformation, to create forms that could not otherwise occur?

I feel like this stage will see the most improvement as I do more rope processing. My first batch turned sooty in spots, and today smells of camp fire.

6. Check the rope again by running it through your hands. Any scratchy bits? Re-burnish as needed.

7. Because my rope was sooty in spots, I added a step. First, I washed my (also sooty) hands thoroughly to cleanse them magickally and physically. Then I took a white cloth, and ran the ropes through it a couple of times to remove as much soot as possible before oiling them. As I did, I tried to run the rope through in a way that would also work with the weave of the rope.

8. At this stage, the rope should be fairly even and no longer actively scratchy, but it's probably very dry. Take some oil -- I use hemp oil from the health food store, others use mink oil -- and use a cloth or your hands to rub some bit into the ropes to keep them flexible and supple.

The oil has been a source of much debate! My coven brother wants to assign it to air, and Crowley assigns his holy oil to fire. After sitting with this a couple of days, I still want to assign the oil to earth. This is the final step, the grounding, setting the firm foundation for the work. This is making the rope ready to meet the corporeal body. And so, I say that oiling is a dedication of earth. As you oil, ask yourself questions of manifestation: What will be the use of this rope? How can I remain grounded in my practice? How can I bring delight into being with this new tool?

9. If you ever need to wash or decontaminate ropes - which should hopefully be rare - you can repeat the boiling and oiling, or throw them in a pillowcase in the washing machine and reoil them. You don't typically need to wash ropes between play sessions - human oils will just make the rope softer over time. And, Jay Wiseman (who really knows his medical stuff as well as rope stuff) says that any other fluids' potential as a carrier would be lost with a couple of day's drying.

That said, I tend to wash my ropes if they come in contact with saliva or other fluids. If on some happy day they come in contact with someone's blood (consensually, of course) I'll happily gift that bottom with his or her own rope afterward. But for most play, I don't wash the ropes - it will just break them down faster, and work against the natural conditioning process.

And there you have it: the four elements of processing rope. Now, there is only to play at the center - enjoy!

GloRoMo

Sick of all those NaNoWriMo posts on your friends lists? Looking for something a bit more knotty?

Greydancer presents an alternative: GloRoMo.

Think NaNoWriMo. But instead of 50,000 words written by one person, it's a whole community coming together in a goal to tie 50,000 ft. of rope and share the results. Mmmmm.