Twisted Monk goes fairly Eddie Izzard on us. Oh my!
It's sorta hot, actually . . .
Showing posts with label links. Show all posts
Showing posts with label links. Show all posts
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, May 4, 2007
Dirty South Blogs
I'd been recently despairing that unlike Seattle and San Francisco the Dirty South doesn't really have any kink columnists.
Well, go figure. One of the new blogs out of Austin has a kink columnist, who just put up a decent entry on playing with rope.
And no, it's not me in Yet Another Writing Guise. Although, would that I'd thought of that!
Well, go figure. One of the new blogs out of Austin has a kink columnist, who just put up a decent entry on playing with rope.
And no, it's not me in Yet Another Writing Guise. Although, would that I'd thought of that!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Kink permaculture
A friend came up to me excitedly last night. "Oh, Miriam, I have something for you." The something turned out to be several lengths of bamboo that he'd salvaged from an art project, and thought I could turn into canes or whatnot.
I honestly don't know if they'll make good canes, although I'm chasing up some articles on cane making to see. I'm concerned that they're regular bamboo and not specifically rattan. This other site suggests that because bamboo is hollow, it's only a good choice for very light or medium play, and that hard play might split the cane and create instant and razor-sharp edges. Given that I have broken some of the canes on my birch bundles over asses, this might not be a good idea for me . . .
If they won't work for that, I'll probably cut them to lengths for use in rope play. One of my friends and mentors does amazing things with bamboo, creating extra columns, bamboo bit gags, and other toys that look just gorgeous with rope. And I hope to see him today. So perhaps that's the better way to go. We'll see.
So, I don't know what I'll do with it yet, but I love that my friend thought of me. Another friend may gift me with her (rather large) dog crate when her dog outgrows it. Neither of these folks are in the scene, but they're my friends and they're supportive.
Out of the blue yesterday, I got an amazing and touching gift. A friend who demo bottomed for me at the auction last month hand crafted a magickal oil for me to say thanks.
I started this entry to talk about the canes, but the more I write the more I touch on something else. And that's the value of being open.
It's a fine line I walk. I want to be open and honest about my life, and I don't want to squick anyone.
My friend with the puppy cage is an excellent barometer. I think I've erred on the side of TMI in the past, and also wrestled with the temptation to give too little information - so little information that she might not understand the landscape of my life and relationships. Slowly I've learned to give her a broad overview. She can know that I'm negotiating with a service submissive without knowing the details of our contract. She can know what's going on with Pyrate Lass without having to know exactly how we play. And she gets the really good stories, the ones I can tell without too much squickage and play for laughs.
In my magickal community, I really can't talk about my magickal practice without talking about rope. Rope is in part something I am working with as a magickal tool. And so I try to push my edges, and my community's edges, gently. I can show off my rope work making art projects, or helping ease a donated refrigerator down a ramp. And when it was appropriate I did use my chest-tying powers for good at auction, pushing the envelope just enough and I think safely for everyone. But this is part of being seen.
There are places where I really feel no need to be out of the closet. I can't see a benefit of speaking about these things at work, for example. (The tradeoff, of course, is that I don't have close friends from work, either.) But mostly, I need to be seen to make connection. Rope, play and D/s are major parts of my life, and aspects that are pretty important to really knowing me. They're not all of my life -- you get fair amounts of magick and gardening and music geekery, too -- but they're also not just side interests.
And the gifts of that are that you make real friends and real connections. Sometimes those gifts are very tangible. It's Earth Day - reuse, reduce and recycle, and all that. In the garden, I am always taking on things that would otherwise be trash -- newspapers, cardboard, coffee grounds -- and turning them into productive garden beds. These gifts are the same to me, a little kink permaculture. That bamboo, that puppy cage? Both would otherwise have been trash or garage junk to someone. But to me, they are both useful and also signifiers that my practice itself has value in my friends' eyes, and that they recognize kink as important to me in the same sense my gardening is. That's no small thing.
I honestly don't know if they'll make good canes, although I'm chasing up some articles on cane making to see. I'm concerned that they're regular bamboo and not specifically rattan. This other site suggests that because bamboo is hollow, it's only a good choice for very light or medium play, and that hard play might split the cane and create instant and razor-sharp edges. Given that I have broken some of the canes on my birch bundles over asses, this might not be a good idea for me . . .
If they won't work for that, I'll probably cut them to lengths for use in rope play. One of my friends and mentors does amazing things with bamboo, creating extra columns, bamboo bit gags, and other toys that look just gorgeous with rope. And I hope to see him today. So perhaps that's the better way to go. We'll see.
So, I don't know what I'll do with it yet, but I love that my friend thought of me. Another friend may gift me with her (rather large) dog crate when her dog outgrows it. Neither of these folks are in the scene, but they're my friends and they're supportive.
Out of the blue yesterday, I got an amazing and touching gift. A friend who demo bottomed for me at the auction last month hand crafted a magickal oil for me to say thanks.
I started this entry to talk about the canes, but the more I write the more I touch on something else. And that's the value of being open.
It's a fine line I walk. I want to be open and honest about my life, and I don't want to squick anyone.
My friend with the puppy cage is an excellent barometer. I think I've erred on the side of TMI in the past, and also wrestled with the temptation to give too little information - so little information that she might not understand the landscape of my life and relationships. Slowly I've learned to give her a broad overview. She can know that I'm negotiating with a service submissive without knowing the details of our contract. She can know what's going on with Pyrate Lass without having to know exactly how we play. And she gets the really good stories, the ones I can tell without too much squickage and play for laughs.
In my magickal community, I really can't talk about my magickal practice without talking about rope. Rope is in part something I am working with as a magickal tool. And so I try to push my edges, and my community's edges, gently. I can show off my rope work making art projects, or helping ease a donated refrigerator down a ramp. And when it was appropriate I did use my chest-tying powers for good at auction, pushing the envelope just enough and I think safely for everyone. But this is part of being seen.
There are places where I really feel no need to be out of the closet. I can't see a benefit of speaking about these things at work, for example. (The tradeoff, of course, is that I don't have close friends from work, either.) But mostly, I need to be seen to make connection. Rope, play and D/s are major parts of my life, and aspects that are pretty important to really knowing me. They're not all of my life -- you get fair amounts of magick and gardening and music geekery, too -- but they're also not just side interests.
And the gifts of that are that you make real friends and real connections. Sometimes those gifts are very tangible. It's Earth Day - reuse, reduce and recycle, and all that. In the garden, I am always taking on things that would otherwise be trash -- newspapers, cardboard, coffee grounds -- and turning them into productive garden beds. These gifts are the same to me, a little kink permaculture. That bamboo, that puppy cage? Both would otherwise have been trash or garage junk to someone. But to me, they are both useful and also signifiers that my practice itself has value in my friends' eyes, and that they recognize kink as important to me in the same sense my gardening is. That's no small thing.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Community
I've been threatening for months to write a big rant on Why We Do This Work in Community (whether I'm going to write this about the kink community, poly community, pagan community or some combination, I've not yet determined).
In the meantime, Mistress Matisse lays down some of the high points.
One part rang particularly true for me:
I hadn't given that any thought before, but it seems blindingly obvious now she's pointed it out.
But that was just my ephiphany; the rest starts getting into the whys and wherefores. Go read. Particularly if you're not a pagan/queer/poly/whatever person for whom working in community seems pretty obvious.
In the meantime, Mistress Matisse lays down some of the high points.
One part rang particularly true for me:
Some people take the information I give them and run with it, and I've observed something about them: They're usually different in some way aside from being kinky. Like pagans, or poly people, or—especially—queer people. Queer people have often already gone through the process of finding and participating in the queer community, and they know that when you have a nonmainstream sexuality, you're going to structure some of your life choices around it. So my advice makes sense to them.
I hadn't given that any thought before, but it seems blindingly obvious now she's pointed it out.
But that was just my ephiphany; the rest starts getting into the whys and wherefores. Go read. Particularly if you're not a pagan/queer/poly/whatever person for whom working in community seems pretty obvious.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
The internets were built for porn . . .
Okay, so my Cap'n friend thinks the internets were built for porn. My dear Cap'n, this link to Chanta Rose's new site Fucked and Bound is for you. (Softcore? No, eh?)
But hey, it's got the smile afterward not to mention more than a bit of the smile during.
(And, if you're into that kind of rope-and-sex thing, the preview page has enough to give one plenty of wicked ideas for upcoming play parties . . . )
But hey, it's got the smile afterward not to mention more than a bit of the smile during.
(And, if you're into that kind of rope-and-sex thing, the preview page has enough to give one plenty of wicked ideas for upcoming play parties . . . )
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Creating enforceable rules
Sara Robinson of Orinicus has a few interesting things to say about the fine art of laying down the law:
I think she'd be surprised to see her words end up here -- and knowing the power of the search engine, may well be soon -- but she unsurprisingly has a point.
There are a million ways to do The Things that We Do, from Master/slave to Dom/sub to Daddy/girl or /boy to . . . I dunno, Cap'n/swabby. The point is: a system and set of accompanying rules should work with the actors, not against them.
Yes, there is a lot of room for a good top to push a bottom's limits. And, ideally, a good top also has the capacity to stretch his or her own capacity.
And yet: trying to push for a one-size-fits-all solution to bsdm just isn't going to work. We are human beings, individuals, in relationships. Which means that we all come to the table with our own 'intelligence', and our own 'performance capacity'. So, working with that: that's the trick.
What I want, at the end of the day, is to find and enrich what gets me and my sweeties hard and wet, excited and enervated, challenged and satisfied. Jack Rinella reminds us all that the point of this stuff is to have fun. And to do that, we have to create systems that work. We will never be one size fits all, and thank gods for it.
The other corollary, I think, is actually enforcing the enforceable rules. But that may well be another post . . .
People who try to enforce unforceable rules are typically either authoritarians, utopians, or both. Invariably, when respect for the law and its makers has broken down, they resort to force to maintain order. On a larger level, if it's chaos you're after, there's nothing like demanding that a system behave in ways contrary to its own internal intelligence and performance capacity.
A corollary to this is that all legitimate authority springs from mutual respect between the leader and the led.
I think she'd be surprised to see her words end up here -- and knowing the power of the search engine, may well be soon -- but she unsurprisingly has a point.
There are a million ways to do The Things that We Do, from Master/slave to Dom/sub to Daddy/girl or /boy to . . . I dunno, Cap'n/swabby. The point is: a system and set of accompanying rules should work with the actors, not against them.
Yes, there is a lot of room for a good top to push a bottom's limits. And, ideally, a good top also has the capacity to stretch his or her own capacity.
And yet: trying to push for a one-size-fits-all solution to bsdm just isn't going to work. We are human beings, individuals, in relationships. Which means that we all come to the table with our own 'intelligence', and our own 'performance capacity'. So, working with that: that's the trick.
What I want, at the end of the day, is to find and enrich what gets me and my sweeties hard and wet, excited and enervated, challenged and satisfied. Jack Rinella reminds us all that the point of this stuff is to have fun. And to do that, we have to create systems that work. We will never be one size fits all, and thank gods for it.
The other corollary, I think, is actually enforcing the enforceable rules. But that may well be another post . . .
Monday, February 26, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
Different limits
I promise I'll have a proper entry soon, but for now, Control Tower made me smile.
The bottom in me grins, as I'm a bit of a pain slut. (Although - warmup please!) And the top in me happily remembers that my arm was sore just like that, very recently . . .
The bottom in me grins, as I'm a bit of a pain slut. (Although - warmup please!) And the top in me happily remembers that my arm was sore just like that, very recently . . .
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
For the eels among us
One of my friends is discovering talents as an eel - someone who gets into ropes for the challenge of working back out again. He's a top, as a general rule, but a curious top. He's also all kinds of double-jointed, which makes for interesting (if dangerous-looking) play.
I get a kick out of watching him in ropes. It's not quite my thing - it's fascinating, but the psychology of it never quite makes sense to me. For most of the folks I tie, the ropes and the submission go together, at least a bit. For myself, I tend not to submit in ropes these days (and more's the pity . . . ), but I do have that part of my brain that adores the rope aesthetically as well as the other "track" in which I'm learning ties by being tied. In both scenarios, getting out of the ropes is usually the disappointing part. None of which helps make sense of the eel phenomenon.
So as I've got this on the brain, this lovely article from Graydancer on Ropes and Submission couldn't have come at a better time.
Hmm. I think that makes sense. And, as a contrasting backdrop, I think it helps me better understand what I'm looking for as a rope top. Which is probably the subject of another entry . . .
I get a kick out of watching him in ropes. It's not quite my thing - it's fascinating, but the psychology of it never quite makes sense to me. For most of the folks I tie, the ropes and the submission go together, at least a bit. For myself, I tend not to submit in ropes these days (and more's the pity . . . ), but I do have that part of my brain that adores the rope aesthetically as well as the other "track" in which I'm learning ties by being tied. In both scenarios, getting out of the ropes is usually the disappointing part. None of which helps make sense of the eel phenomenon.
So as I've got this on the brain, this lovely article from Graydancer on Ropes and Submission couldn't have come at a better time.
But not only was there never a time when I felt like submitting, but there was never really even a time when I felt vulnerable. I’m a big fan of leg sweeps and kicks and knees and head butts; I also, from lots of dance experience, am comfortable on the floor, or using other’s bodies as bases, and so there was never a moment when I felt that frisson of "what are they going to do to me?" And it makes me wonder more at that little psychological switch that seems to be in some of us, and not in others; the difference between surrendering and constantly evaluating the options to figure out what you can do next.
Hmm. I think that makes sense. And, as a contrasting backdrop, I think it helps me better understand what I'm looking for as a rope top. Which is probably the subject of another entry . . .
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Supreme nerdiness
Uh oh. I've gotten out the glasses.
Nope, it's not for rope ties or caning. (Although I've had bottoms say they love me putting on my glasses to see better for those.)
Nope, it's far nerdier. It's RopeWiki.
Yep, I've been spending my coffee breaks this weekend playing secretary and nerd girl, trying to add what I can in the service of rope. There's something really fun and at the same time terrifying about joining a new Web project this early in its progress, but I have to say one of the best parts is that there's lots to do for a relative novice like me. No article yet on EMT shears? Hell, anyone can write that.
Wheee!
Nope, it's not for rope ties or caning. (Although I've had bottoms say they love me putting on my glasses to see better for those.)
Nope, it's far nerdier. It's RopeWiki.
Yep, I've been spending my coffee breaks this weekend playing secretary and nerd girl, trying to add what I can in the service of rope. There's something really fun and at the same time terrifying about joining a new Web project this early in its progress, but I have to say one of the best parts is that there's lots to do for a relative novice like me. No article yet on EMT shears? Hell, anyone can write that.
Wheee!
Monday, December 11, 2006
RopeWiki
I was pondering tonight what I'd write. I had a fantastic weekend with Pyrate Lass, and a great time at the SIG.
And, as is usual after these events, I have so much to say that I have no earthly idea where to start. I'm buzzing with ideas, and feeling inspired but nothing's quite cogent yet. So I figured I'd do a cop out post and post tutorial links to a couple of the ties we were ostensibly there to learn before things got more complex.
Then, in the course of looking up the "Foole's Cuff", I found Rope Wiki, a little "wikipedia" of shibari stuff. How cool is that?
So, that can keep you busy till I find time to write about shibari knots, predicament bondage, thoughts on documentation, and the fine art of going sideways . . .
And, as is usual after these events, I have so much to say that I have no earthly idea where to start. I'm buzzing with ideas, and feeling inspired but nothing's quite cogent yet. So I figured I'd do a cop out post and post tutorial links to a couple of the ties we were ostensibly there to learn before things got more complex.
Then, in the course of looking up the "Foole's Cuff", I found Rope Wiki, a little "wikipedia" of shibari stuff. How cool is that?
So, that can keep you busy till I find time to write about shibari knots, predicament bondage, thoughts on documentation, and the fine art of going sideways . . .
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Speaking of Pentacles . . . !
Lovely rope witches, check out this lovely star tie in Graydancer's GloRoMo pics. Oh, oh, oh! I'd been thinking of trying ties like that, or a full rope dress tree of life. Inspiring.
(I'm bypassing the usual entry, so here's your initiation. Over 18? Ready for pics that aren't work safe? Okay, we trust you.)
(I'm bypassing the usual entry, so here's your initiation. Over 18? Ready for pics that aren't work safe? Okay, we trust you.)
Friday, November 24, 2006
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