Some folks like to work out their frustrations through BSDM.
I get it, but I'm not that girl.
My period has started. I'm in pain, and I'm cranky. I want a gold star for not killing anyone yet today. It doesn't matter that it's barely daylight out and I haven't actually left my house yet. In fact, I think I want a new gold star for every hour I don't kill anyone today.
On days like this, I can think of nothing I want less than to play someone. Take out my frustrations? Um, no. I'd seriously draw blood, if just for the symmetry of the thing.
Nope. If I'm going to control someone, I want to be in control of myself first. If I'm going to discipline someone, I want to do it from a place of self-discipline. I play to gain mastery, not lose it.
One happy day, I shall slip my (as yet hypothetical) service sub notes from under the door: instructions to run me a hot bath, pour some red wine, and then take $10 and go to the movies. Only then I shall slink out from the confines of my room and become the good mistress again, restored by hot water and the sympathetic magick of red beverage, and most of all by solitude and understanding. I shall return to laughing and being myself, to inflicting pain and pleasure with skill, to being in control of myself enough to control others.
For today, I shall draw myself little gold stars with a highlighter, and get through the day dreaming of that bath tonight. Perhaps I'll keep reading Sex, Time, and Power which is just starting to make sense of all this blood and moon nonsense.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment